Party On

So I have been exchanging messages with a few guys I "met" on an LDS dating website.
I have decided I dislike meeting people this way very much.
It is so tacky.
On this particular website, which rhymes with LDS flanet, every time you click on someone's profile, the bachelor is notified that you have "viewed" them.
And if you do it more than once, they are also made aware.
So if you can't remember if you thought they were gross or totally awesome and, say, look at the their profile a dozen times, then you look like a stalker.
Not that I have done that.
There is also the option to "flirt."
I don't understand this option.
And you should read some of these profiles!
If you are 45 and your favorite store is the Buckle, and you just love virgin margaritas, you should keep those things to yourself.
It just isn't appropriate to share with others.
And you should rethink some life decisions.
It is a whole world of dumbassery I did not even know existed.
Of course not everyone is weird, as far as I know, but I am on the lookout for scammers.
In fact, I am pretty much convinced that everyone is a scammer until proven innocent.
So anyways, back to these two guys.
Let's call them Wayne and Garth.*
Wayne is a pilot living in Alaska.
Garth is an engineer living in Corvallis.
They both seem perfectly nice and we share several things in common but they aren't Scott and it's strange.
It's different and unsettling.
I start off feeling like I am "ready" to open myself up and then I panic at the idea of moving on.
I am like the tide.
I approach the beach of mingling, get excited at the prospect of testing out the sand, become unnerved, and quickly retreat into the sea of security, and by security I mean huddled under my covers talking to myself about myself.
Aren't my cryptic analogies incredible?
Anyway, point being ... it's strange and I sound like a doofus via email.
Wayne is cute and funny but I kinda stopped talking to him because he lives in Alaska.
And was a little immature.
Garth is also cute and sounds incredibly sweet.
I am slowly getting to know him.
I miss the days of seeing someone in the gym, thinking they were cute, hustling them into going out with you, roping them in with your incredible kissing skills personality, and then wearing them down until they propose.
True story.
I will keep you posted throughout this new adventure.

*Wayne's World! Wayne's World! It's party time! Excellent!

p.s. I am really tired. Clearly.