Thursday, January 29, 2015

Christmas: Part 3 ... finally

Now that it is nearly February, how about a nice Christmas recap?
I will basically offer narration for these photos because it was so long ago I can't remember anything that happened.
We celebrated it as a family of four.
Which was kinda perfect.
It was also a little bit sad.
For me.
The kids seemed just fine as they manically tore through their presents like a bunch of loons.
I tried to slow down the madness, but Christmas was over 12.6 seconds after it started.
And then they played ... all day.
In peace.
It was a Christmas miracle.
In fact, they played with their new toys for three days straight, and then they remembered how annoying they find each other and how boring their lives are, and just like that, the holiday magic was gone.
Oh well. It was special while it lasted.
And Santa did an exceptional job with the presents this year.
And by Santa, I absolutely mean me. *shoots a finger gun at myself in mirror*
It was fun to see them so happy, so wide-eyed and, well, child-like.
I always worry that they lost a bit of that a little too early.
But then I see it, and I feel a sense of relief.
Like they can still look back on their childhood with fondness and contentment, and feel like it was good and see how hard I tried to make it filled with love and stability.
I find myself struggling sometimes with feeling like they are getting gypped (but not in the racist way that stems from nomadic 'gypsies' who are stereotyped as thieving criminals) just that they somehow got burned.
Anyway, I am just feeling sentimental because we are reaching the big year mark and I find myself more tired and thoughtful and cheerless.
And on that pleasant note, let's check out a few random pictures ...
^^ Santa brought Ryan a tracing light box. It's the best and she loves it. It offer hours and hours of silent drawing. Score. ^^
^^ We need to work on Micah's 'natural' smile. It is kinda strained. ^^
^^ Nice. ^^
^^ No, Ezra is not training to be a Chippendale's dancer. Yes, he did insist on wearing this new vest sans shirt ALL DAY. ^^
^^ The aftermath. Micah is hiding behind the marble run. ^^
I have been overtired and am still adjusting to my new schedule (read: frenzied pace) but am hoping to begin regularly blogging again.
And I have thoughts on the upcoming "anniversary" (for lack of a better word) of Scott's passing that I will over-share soon.
I need to get them written down and off my small chest.
Until then ...

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Working Girl

So I started working.
Like a paying job.
Oh, I know, I know.
I get paid in LOVE at home.
And as much as I enjoy watching my children weep and gag down their homemade sweet & sour meatballs with rice and fresh snap peas all while pleading with me to "never make this dish again," it as also gratifying to have your associate compliment you on a job well done and then hand you a check.
Now don't get me wrong, I wish that I could just stay at home with my boogers (my kids, not my actual boogers) all day and still meet my financial goals and inch closer to buying our own house, but that isn't an option right now.
In fact, I didn't really appreciate how lucky I was to have a spouse that encouraged me to rock the homemaker/mommy job while he headed to school/work every day and single-handedly shouldered the stress and responsibility of supporting our family and building our future.
So now it falls to me.
And frankly, sometimes I think it sucks.
Change is uncomfortable and hard.
I cry every morning when I have to leave Micah.
And then I cry at night because I am tired.
I just worked a full day and then I ran errands, supervised homework, made dinner, folded laundry, read bedtime stories, and then packed lunches for the following day.
I am learning all the time how serious it is to be a single parent.
Seriously exhausting.
In fact, it is only 9:41 and I feel like this:

But I also know that eventually something that felt new and scary will feel normal and routine.
And I also know that eventually my situation will not be so difficult.
And the idea that my future is unknown and unplanned feels exciting and interesting.
Except when it is night ... or morning ... or when I am lonely ... or stressed.
So basically for, like, five minutes of my day.
So on that note, here is a picture of my awesome helmet that my very talented brother Brady made for me to wear in our championship bout next weekend!
I predict that we are going to win.
You heard it here first.
^^ I love it. I will probably start wearing it all the time. Even when I am not skating. I think this would be very appropriate for casual Friday. p.s. I work at a law office. ^^
Also this is my face on my first day back to work.
I am very happy about the direction my hair is taking.
Which you wouldn't know by looking at this amazing photo.
Okay peeps, I will be back with my final installment of Christmas (I haven't forgotten), plus I want to share our family pictures.
They were amazing.
p.s. Did you happen to notice that my mustache is gone?
That also makes me very happy.
I look like a girl! Holla!