Monday, March 16, 2015

On a Monday night ...

As I am writing this, all I can hear are the tortured sounds of my two oldest bellowing at each other in the backyard.
They fight constantly, and yet, instead of retreating to their respective corners, they insist on remaining within a two-foot radius of each other.
They are constantly bothered by one another, yet are forever sharing the same breaths.
It's weird.
And annoying.
But in cases such as these, I just shut and lock the door, pretend not to hear them crying or tattling, and watch YouTube tutorials on how to create natural-looking beach waves or how to apply lip liner.
Then I think about making dinner.
But decide that because the sun is out an hour longer, dinner should be an hour later.
And should consist of cereal.
And then I think that I should get the kids in bed early so that I can watch an different episode of Glee on Netflix because I left off on the episode, yesterday, where Finn died and ended up crying myself to sleep.
Not because Finn died.
I don't even know him.
But because death, in general, is sad and hard.
And somehow it became a big part of my life.
And I am tired of being uncertain, sad, overextended, and alone.
And also I am tired of listening to my whiny self talk about bereavement.
I mean, all I do is whine and whiiiiiiine, and GO ON AND ON.
I am beginning to see where my kids got the annoying gene.
Seriously, I need a slap in the face.
Or a fishhook to the lips.
And now I am going to make meatloaf.
Because nothing gives you a feeling of equanimity quite like a brick of meat.
How about a few inspirational treasures?
^^ She is so pretty. I just want to rip her whole face off and glue it to mine. Her eyebrows are perfection. ^^
^^ This. ^^
^^ This is what my dreams are made of. I am saving up for it. You know, to buy and then place on my dad's front lawn. Because I don't have a house of my own. And then I will rub my face on it. #illogicalfinancialgoals ^^
^^ And don't forget this. ^^

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

My super awesome life

In the last three weeks I have been spending a lot of time in one of these:
^^ Well, I haven't been spending time in this bathroom. If I had a bathroom that looked like this I wouldn't even need the rest of the house. I would make a "Girls Only" sign for the door, create a cozy little nest in the shower, become a recluse, grow out my nails Howard Hughes-style, watch movies in the nude, and never leave. ^^ 
Trying to convince Micah that this is part of God's plan:
^^ Have you read this book? It's gross. ^^
And when I wasn't being the potty cleaner-upper whisperer, I was trying to stifle my disdain for handling human poo by unlocking my inner tranquility in an aerial yoga studio.
I learned that I am very inflexible and have poor bladder control.
I also learned that one does not unlock anything doing aerial yoga except an overpowering need to giggle loudly in a quiet gym when everyone else looks like this :

And I look like this:
^^ Flattering, no? This is a real picture of me at Bounce Gymnastics. ^^
And yes, it echoed.
Meanwhile, when I wasn't embarrassing myself in front of a lot of limber ladies, I was watching The Bachelor.
Because it is a sophisticated show.
And I need to get some applicable dating tips for my life.
^^ I predict Chris will pick Becca. You heard it here first. ^^
Which means that I was not getting enough of this:
^^ This baby is so cute I could just eat him. ^^

And then after being completely exhausted, it was my birthday!
I turned 33 this year and I am hoping it is my best year yet.
I certainly think it will beat last year.
32 blew.
And to ring in another year of ME, my family got me an ice cream cake (my favorite kind of cake):

And we listened to Backstreet Boys:
^^ Kevin was always my fav (second from the right). ^^
And Ace of Base.
I knew every song.
And then I thought about tattoos.
And what I want my next one to look like.
Because I am a rebel at heart.

And then I realized that I hadn't blogged in three weeks.
Because I was too busy watching quality television and stuffing my face with a slabs of layered ice cream.