Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Another boring picture of someone else's carved pumpkin

Today was the longest day.
It started at 6:45 a.m. when my alarm (read: toddler) woke me up at a frightening volume;
Which wasn't totally inconvenient because I had to shower, run around yelling at my kids to get the lead out of their pants and eat their freeeeeking breakfast, and make lunches before heading to an apple orchard/pumpkin patch for Ezra's first grade field trip anyway.
I dropped Micah off at a friend's, ushered my kids to their classrooms, and checked in at the school office.
I lead my three assigned kiddies onto the bus, sat through the mandatory safety information, and then proceeded to field four thousand panicked questions from a nervous six-year-old, missing what looked like eight teeth, on what we would do if 1) the bus broke down, 2) the driver had a heart attack and was incapacitated, 3) who exactly was responsible for pulling the emergency break, 4) would we have enough time to exit the bus safely if it was engulfed in flames, 5) why was it necessary to have a safety hatch in the roof, etc.
After explaining that our 20 minute bus trip (for the duration of the drive) would most likely be uneventful and not result in an untimely death, we arrived at the farm.
We picked apples, sprinted through a corn maze, picnicked, and selected pumpkins before boarding the bus and heading back to the school.
I then made a silent vow never to become a first-grade teacher.
I lack the patience or energy required to be nice to kids all day.
After I picked up Micah and dragged him kicking and screaming away from his play date, I went home to start composing a shopping list and plan our weekly menu.
Once the older kids returned from school, I loaded everyone into the car and headed to WinCo.
After shuffling through the store, I returned home to start dinner.
Air high-five if you are still reading this.
My life is very dull.
I am actually falling asleep writing this because I am so lame.
Anyway, I cooked dinner, cleaned up after dinner, and then grudgingly eagerly prepped for pumpkin carving which I shouldn't have promised earlier that day.
The kids decided that they wanted to do it entirely on their own which meant that an hour-long activity turned into the rest of my life.
And even though I want to face plant on the floor out of debilitating exhaustion, my kids went to sleep happy and that is pretty much the whole point.
Although, upon reflection, I realize that this post does, in fact, not have a point.
Sorry about that.
And now I will go eat ice cream in my bed.
^^ Ezra is probably contemplating how he can prolong his permitted use of a "real" knife. ^^
^^ Yes, this is the best picture of the four of us with our pumpkins. Total win. ^^
The end.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Lipstick conundrum

^^ Kinda blurry and slightly crazed. Can you see how gnarly her tooth is? Yes, the one at a right angle. ^^
Let's talk about how my daughter resembles Nanny McFee. 
Her top tooth is protruding at the most obnoxious angle and looks dreadful.
It is wiggly in the worst way but she will not allow me to pull it out.
I have contemplated sneaking into her room after she falls asleep and yanking it out.
But that would probably be emotionally scarring.
She fights bedtime anyway ... soooo, that might cancel out the minimal progress we have made in said department.
My sister offered to give her a love punch in the mouth.
Just to get that whole situation taken care of.
For whatever reason, she rejected that idea.
Oh well, just like everything else (Micah's potty training, Ezra's reading, me having sex ever again) it will theoretically happen when it is supposed to happen. 
And really I am just talking about the sex thing.
Anyway, I have been brashly thinking of stepping out of my comfort zone and exploring the world of lipstick.
Previously, I worried that I would smear it all over my clothes and teeth.
That and Scott used to say that when I wore lipstick my lower lip looked huge and if I weren't careful it would get snagged on a tripwire. 
But I have decided that today's lipsticks are much too sophisticated to be subject to those smudging issues.
They take themselves seriously and stay put.
I am on the lookout for a deep, berry color, a true red, and something bright-ish pink?
Right now I wear Vaseline.
This is a big step. 
I know it sounds cray-cray. 
But I like to take risks.
I laugh in the face of danger.
I walk on the wild side.
Any recommendations for moderately-priced lipsticks would be very much appreciated. 
I am leaning towards matte. 
^^ Taken with my phone in secrecy behind the bleachers at my last roller derby bout wearing a much darker lip than I am typically comfortable with. p.s. We won! Holla! ^^
Thanks, peeps.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

How is it already Thursday?

^^ It was a leggings-worn-with-a-much-too-short-shirt/socks-stolen-from-my-dad kind of day. ^^
Let's talk about how many papers my kids bring home every day after school.
It is a problem.
Like, environmentally, how are there enough trees on this whole planet to support the amount of paperwork necessary to inform me of PTO meetings, pumpkin patch field trips, and how IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT THE JOG-A-THON MONEY BE TURNED IN IMMEDIATELY!
It takes me a full hour to wade through all the shite that comes home in their backpacks.
Of course, I never check my email, so the paperless route is a no-go.
But honestly, I love to organize things.
My little nerd heart pitter-patters so fast when I start thinking about it, so really I don't mind the paper shuffling, but thought that I should complain about it to seen more "normal." and less "freakish."
Also, right now it is raining very hard.
Like, I went outside to take my kids to the dentist this morning and was nearly flattened to the ground by a torrential downpour.
It was amazing.
The sound of the rain may be my favorite sound second only to the silence that occurs when my children are sound asleep.
There really is no sound like no sound.
But I feel as if even that is short lived because my children are possessed posses a sixth sense that allows them to anticipate the very second I climb into bed.
Just as I close my eyes, their throats begin to seize from dehydration and their bladders begin to swell from holding their pee in just long enough for me to unwind and head to my room.
Just as I prop the window open (so I can hear the rain, duh) decide which side of my body to start on, and pull my covers up, it is at that very moment that I hear a scream (because that is the only way of getting my attention in the silence of the night) for a drink of water/assistance to the bathroom/help finding some lost stuffed animal/nothing at all.
It happens, literally, and I actually mean in the very literal sense, every night.
Even if I go to bed at completely different times, they sense it and awake at the very moment I go to sleep.
I have done experiments.
^^ Pitching a fit on the time-out stool.
So that's fun.
Also this is what happens all the live-long day:

The end.

^^ Meanwhile, this was happening outside. I love Oregon. And rain, as previously mentioned. ^^
^^ Probably irritated at someone. Or thinking deep, serious, profound thoughts. Like, "how can I get more sour patch kids into my stomach." ^^

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Sometimes I ...

I have been up since the crack of dawn running errands all over the damned place, getting a haircut (nothing major, just needed the ole' mullet trimmed), visiting with some riotous ladies from church, going on a jog (at a snail's much slower pet snail's pace), helping a friend organize a closet, then going home and sorting through MY closet, washing peed-in underpants, and switching out my children's summer wardrobe for their fall clothes.
And now I have the biggest headache and feel generally craptastic.
So this post will probably suck.
How's that for an enticing hook?
And I am feeding my kids Cookie Crisp for dinner.
In front of the movie, "Pee Wee's Big Adventure."
Go me.
So on that embarrassing note, I will forge ahead with my previously compiled list of things that I sometimes do.
Which is possibly more humiliating than admitting that we own the movie, "Pee Wee's Big Adventure."  

Sometimes I ... wear my six-year-old like a backpack because as I was cleaning out said closet I found a baby-wearing contraption and tested it out on ALL of my non-babies.
Good times.
^^ Yes. Ezra has a mustache and I have no boobs. It is as if our maturation rates have been swapped. ^^
Sometimes I ... time myself to see how fast I can unload the dishwasher.
Today I did it in 2 minutes and 46 seconds.

Sometimes I ... put Micah back into diapers.
And by sometimes, I mean every day because if I have to wash out one more pair of soiled briefs I may just throw myself into moving traffic.

Sometimes I ...  start planning my nap the previous night. "If I get up early, work out, finish my housework, attend the jog-a-thon, throw dinner in the crockpot, and put Micah down, maybe I can sneak in a little siesta ..."

Sometimes I ... shower and "get ready" 30 minutes before everyone gets home in order to look "productive" and less like a "lazy piece of crap."
They will never know I just changed out of my neon tribal leggings. (Except now they do.)

Sometimes I ... go running sans glasses and think I see a fellow jogger in the distance only to find out it is a trashcan instead. I have made a habit of waving/nodding to trees, mailboxes, and parked cars until I am approximately two feet away and can vaguely make them out.

Sometimes I ... think back to what my life looked like one year ago.
And think about how one's whole life trajectory can careen off its previous course in the blink of an eye.
And then I hope that it will continue to evolve in a way that is unexpected but with a possible upswing?

Well, lovelies, I have got to lay down.
My head is pounding and I have heard "I know you are but what am I," one too many times.
I am ashamed that I suggested that flick.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Epiphany #48723

So this last weekend I had a spiritual epiphany — again.
Now lest you think I am a overzealous crackpot, well, I don't really care what anyone thinks.
I am Mormon and we have a semi-annual general conference that is broadcast via T.V., satellite, radio, the interweb, and maybe even by smoke signals (?) that spans two days, a total of eight hours, and according to my six-year-old, "Enough time to grow a beard."
It is where we listen to church leaders offer inspirational messages, divine guidance, and practical instruction.
After participating in conference weekend, I always feel a renewed sense of direction and comfort.
I feel happier and lighter.
And I often have a greater understanding of what I can do to be a better mother, friend, and person in general.
It may be surprising to you (like, shocking, brand-new information) but I have been experiencing a bit of an identity crises.
I have been taking a ride on THE emotional roller coaster, if you will.
There has been an unnerving amount of "hysterical" "episodes" over the last six months.
Do I return to work?
Do I go back to school?
Do I move?
Do I move overseas? (This is actually an option I am seriously considering. I am not kidding. Seriously, we only have one life and I want to have an adventure/offer my kids an experience.)
And whilst I mentally grapple with those decisions, I also worry about my kids emotional health.
I want them to be well-adjusted, stable, and happy.
As of late, they have been clingy, weepy, and difficult.
I received my first phone call (and hopefully last) from the principal at the elementary school Ezra and Ryan attend.
Ezra has been struggling this year regulating his feelings and resolving conflict appropriately.
He got in a scuffle on the soccer field and scratched another kids in retaliation for getting punched in the face!
He has also had several meltdowns during the day in class.
And while that fun is being had, Ryan has been begging me not to go to practice and stands outside bawling as I pull away.
I only go twice a week for a few hours but it sends her over the top every time I try to escape.
I have been thinking about what would be the best for my family, hard.
Okay, so back to my spiritual epiphany.
As I listened to general conference, I was concentrating on the messages about receiving personal revelation and recognizing intuition.
I came to the conclusion that I needed to focus my full attention on my kids for a season and worry less about entering the workforce.
I got a very distinct, warm feeling that it was right.
This isn't a forever solution but it is what needs to happen right now.
I have been earnestly pushing any doubt or guilt out of my mind and directing my energy toward my children.
When it is time for me to go back to work (which will be sooner rather than later) it will happen naturally.
I have been trying to force everything instead of admitting the main reason for pursuing a full-time job was for me and not the security and benefit of Ryan, Ezra, and Micah.
And they are my most important responsibility.
I have felt less stressed and more at peace over the last few days than I have since Scott died.
Which is a bonus.
Now if only that sense of calm would seep out of my pores causing a creamy, glowing complexion.
Instead I have what looks like a pizza where my head should be, extra pepperoni.
p.s. However, I am going to continue refurbishing furniture. And possibly selling it. I already have two projects in the works.
p.p.s Another recipe for you that is possible even easier than the last one I shared.
I don't, however, take any credit for this culinary gem because it comes from my friend Tracy, who is very skillful at pulling together quick, healthy salads and all things fresh and good in this world.

Strawberry Salad
1 bag prewashed greens
1 lb. strawberries, quartered and stems removed
crumbled feta cheese
roasted slivered almonds
* serve with balsamic vinaigrette (mandatory)

^^ I topped this with some chicken I picked up at the grocery store deli and grabbed a baguette to serve alongside.
Easy peasy. ^^
Peace out.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

^ Insert a catchy title about shoes here ^

I was/should be writing my grocery-shopping list but then thought, "What is more important than feeding my family?"
So I am blogging instead.
Priorities, yo.
And for today's topic we will be discussing shoes.
And more specifically: the thrifted variety.
Because I have been having amazing luck the last few months buying other peoples used shoes.
Also my life really isn't all that exciting and I generally don't have much to talk about.
So let's commence with a fashion show.
Because I took my shoes outside and took pictures of them to ... umm ... practice my photography skills. Yeah, that is what I was doing.
I am lame.
Also I don't just slide my little tootsies into these shoes and start prancing around.
Who knows where they have been.
So I do several things:
1) When in doubt, freeze them out. (So easy to remember because it rhymes. Word.)
Seriously, just throw them in the freezer.
My dad has opened many a freezer only to find pillows, hats, jackets, pinkie fingers (j/k).
All those grody germs will DIE — it's science.
2) Wipe down with a disinfectant wipe or a cloth with bleach on it.
3) Put them on and begin prancing.
So now, for realies, here are my lovelies that I kiss goodnight wear when I actually shower and get ready.
Oh and p.s. I did not pay over $7 for any of these.
And p.p.s Maybe you should consider thrifting more often, it is very fun and economical.
Wait, what am I saying? p.p.s.s DO NOT thrift more. I want to thrift everything good and you can go to the mall and pay full price. 
^^ I wear these with knee socks kinda bunched. It is a very stylish combo. I think. ^^
^^ What outfit can you NOT wear these with.? It is a trick question. The answer is: no outfit. There does not exist a single outfit that you cannot wear with these amazing boots. ^^
^^ Salt Waters. Need I say more? ^^ 
^^ Blush-colored, patent, studded flats. It is like every fashion trend in the universe rolled into one pair of kick-ass shoes. ^^
^^ Nude wedges. Everyone should own something nude. Besides your own naked body. ^^
The end.