Monday, October 6, 2014

Epiphany #48723

So this last weekend I had a spiritual epiphany — again.
Now lest you think I am a overzealous crackpot, well, I don't really care what anyone thinks.
I am Mormon and we have a semi-annual general conference that is broadcast via T.V., satellite, radio, the interweb, and maybe even by smoke signals (?) that spans two days, a total of eight hours, and according to my six-year-old, "Enough time to grow a beard."
It is where we listen to church leaders offer inspirational messages, divine guidance, and practical instruction.
After participating in conference weekend, I always feel a renewed sense of direction and comfort.
I feel happier and lighter.
And I often have a greater understanding of what I can do to be a better mother, friend, and person in general.
It may be surprising to you (like, shocking, brand-new information) but I have been experiencing a bit of an identity crises.
I have been taking a ride on THE emotional roller coaster, if you will.
There has been an unnerving amount of "hysterical" "episodes" over the last six months.
Do I return to work?
Do I go back to school?
Do I move?
Do I move overseas? (This is actually an option I am seriously considering. I am not kidding. Seriously, we only have one life and I want to have an adventure/offer my kids an experience.)
And whilst I mentally grapple with those decisions, I also worry about my kids emotional health.
I want them to be well-adjusted, stable, and happy.
As of late, they have been clingy, weepy, and difficult.
I received my first phone call (and hopefully last) from the principal at the elementary school Ezra and Ryan attend.
Ezra has been struggling this year regulating his feelings and resolving conflict appropriately.
He got in a scuffle on the soccer field and scratched another kids in retaliation for getting punched in the face!
He has also had several meltdowns during the day in class.
And while that fun is being had, Ryan has been begging me not to go to practice and stands outside bawling as I pull away.
I only go twice a week for a few hours but it sends her over the top every time I try to escape.
I have been thinking about what would be the best for my family, hard.
Okay, so back to my spiritual epiphany.
As I listened to general conference, I was concentrating on the messages about receiving personal revelation and recognizing intuition.
I came to the conclusion that I needed to focus my full attention on my kids for a season and worry less about entering the workforce.
I got a very distinct, warm feeling that it was right.
This isn't a forever solution but it is what needs to happen right now.
I have been earnestly pushing any doubt or guilt out of my mind and directing my energy toward my children.
When it is time for me to go back to work (which will be sooner rather than later) it will happen naturally.
I have been trying to force everything instead of admitting the main reason for pursuing a full-time job was for me and not the security and benefit of Ryan, Ezra, and Micah.
And they are my most important responsibility.
I have felt less stressed and more at peace over the last few days than I have since Scott died.
Which is a bonus.
Now if only that sense of calm would seep out of my pores causing a creamy, glowing complexion.
Instead I have what looks like a pizza where my head should be, extra pepperoni.
p.s. However, I am going to continue refurbishing furniture. And possibly selling it. I already have two projects in the works.
p.p.s Another recipe for you that is possible even easier than the last one I shared.
I don't, however, take any credit for this culinary gem because it comes from my friend Tracy, who is very skillful at pulling together quick, healthy salads and all things fresh and good in this world.

Strawberry Salad
1 bag prewashed greens
1 lb. strawberries, quartered and stems removed
crumbled feta cheese
roasted slivered almonds
* serve with balsamic vinaigrette (mandatory)

^^ I topped this with some chicken I picked up at the grocery store deli and grabbed a baguette to serve alongside.
Easy peasy. ^^
Peace out.


  1. Don't you love personal revelation? I feel like I get it mostly as a mom for my children and I'm always grateful to have it. Even if it feels like "mother's intuition", I know it's Heavenly Father giving me lots of guidance for them. I'm glad you have some calm and peace. Love you!

  2. I think you should move overseas! Then I can come and visit you :) And then you can meet some handsome and mysterious foreign man :) You are amazing and I love you and you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing! Keep it up!

  3. I love your epiphany. And last week, when I saw a kind of cool side table discarded with a "free" sign by the side of the road, I thought "I should text Brianne and tell her to come pick that up." See, it's your destiny.