Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Keeping it real

^^ The only photographic evidence of my fat face.
Is it a little blurry? Yeah, that is the point. ^^
I try to keep this space as uplifting and authentic as possible but sometimes the honest truth kinda blows.
Sometimes my days are hard, as are a lot of other people's.
And I certainly do think it is important to see the glass as half full.
Because dwelling on the bleak is no way to live a happy life.
But today, I am going to go ahead and say that all that mumbo-jumbo is hogwash.
And act like a self-absorbed adolescent who just needs to vent a bit.
Then I will get over myself and jump back on the party wagon.
The party we call life.
Here is what stinks today:
1. Doing taxes, during our most entangled financial year, without the person who usually does the taxes and knows where all the tax information is.
Because Scott was an independently contracted optometrist last year, we don't have a regular W-2 form.
Because that would make things too easy.
And we are all about turning unpleasant activities into really overwhelming ones.
The silver lining is that I have a good friend that generously volunteered her brilliant accountant husband to help me navigate all that nonsense.
He very graciously spent 5 1/2 hours pouring over all of my fragmented paperwork the day before the deadline in order to help me file on time.
2. Going to your regular family ward (congregation) at a church that emphasizes family  ... alone.
Family = wonderful.
A incomplete family = awkward, jealous, resentful glances spitting fire from your eyes at every happy couple sitting with their arms around each other in the chapel.
It is completely nonsensical to be bitter, but there it is.
I want to be sitting beside someone who is lovingly sharing the childcare responsibilities with me and then rubbing my back just for good measure.
This results in me forcing my children to kiss me a stupid-crazy amount of times daily.
Moving on.
3. Not being able to eat popcorn.
This may not seem like much of a downer, but when it is your primary dietary staple it is devastating.
It is pretty much worse than all those previously mentioned things.
4. Grocery shopping.
I just don't like grocery shopping.
That is all.

In conclusion, sometimes all you want to do is sit down after completing your taxes (and collecting a hefty return) with someone's arm draped around your shoulders and eat popcorn.
But sitting on the couch, surrounded by your sweet children, reading "Are You My Mother?" for the umpteenth time while enjoying tapioca is just as nice.
Maybe even nicer.

Hopefully with a tax-return.
^^ My kids get frecklier by the day, and I love it. ^^
^^  Pretty ^^

^^ Missing two teeth! She got it yanked lost it Sunday ^^


  1. You are super cute and not fat faced. I like that shirt, too! I'm sorry. Some days are crappier than others. Not being able to eat what you want just makes things that much worse!

  2. Oh my gosh...I SOOO remember going to church as a single mom. WORST. THING. EVER!!! I felt EXACTLY as you described!! It was so awful seeing all the couples with their arms around each other. I know that looks could be deciving and maybe they aren't as happy as they look. But, it was hard to remember that when I was so bitter and just wanted to scowl at them, like you said. I left church in the middle of sacrament a few times because I just couldn't take it anymore. My mom was so nice, she would always send someone from the ward over to the house to talk to me and make me feel better. It's HARD!! Hang in there!! And just keep getting kisses from the babies of yours!! BTW, are you sick of my comments yet? I just discovered your blog this morning and reading it is making me think about all the things I went through. And I don't know if my comments will help you feel any better. But, maybe hearing about it will help you know that what you're feeling and experiencing is totally normal! And it might give you hope that you can go though all this crap you're going through and have a happy ending someday. All that I went through seems like a blur now. The one thing I learned from my experiences...God has a plan. All of this is for a reason. I remember a few days after I left my husband I went to a wedding with my parents. On the way home I sat in the back of their car and just cried. And cried. I remember talking to God and asking him "WHY??" I told him I just wanted to be happy and to have a good husband that would treat me right. He said to me,"Be patient. I am preparing someone for you." I didn't know what that meant. But, then years later I met JD. And it turns out that right as Heavenly Father told me that, JD was just starting his trials that led to his divorce. SO, he really was preparing him for me. I think he saw two people that were miserable and he found a way to bring them together. I KNOW his hand is in everything. I have seen it...over and over and over! Take this time and prepare yourself for the next step in life so that you're ready for it. Hang in there. And I mean it...if you need anything, let me know.